We started out the school year with a plan and felt ready to tackle the first year of middle school. Her desk was cleared off, organized, and stocked with essential supplies. A routine had been developed & written out. Her planner was filled with important dates & information. The first week's lunches were planned & written out on the menu planner on the refrigerator. We were ready!
But it didn't take long for the hectic schedule, amount & difficulty of homework, and early mornings to overwhelm us. I quickly lost control of my days, exhausted from being up late then rising early to get her off to school. Sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee to say my morning prayers or watch some news usually ended up in dozing off for a few hours, wasting precious time to complete housework, errands, and other essentials. So the first domino falls, causing the cascade effect we are all familiar with. The rest of my day was rushed, tasks kept piling up as they got delayed, and the mess spiraled out of control. My lack of organization and control seemed to rub off on my daughter. Soon, her desk was piled with stuff, homework and supplies were getting lost, assignments being turned in late, trouble falling asleep and then trouble getting up in the morning, and a lot of distractions and trouble focusing.
This week is exams, the end of the semester. What a great opportunity for us to regroup. So we had a meeting at the kitchen table, notebook and pen in hand. A new plan was developed, two copies written and posted, and put into action immediately. Here is the basics of her new daily routine for school days.
For the morning we assigned times to each task to be sure she stayed on track and out the door on time:
6:15am get up, dressed, wash face, brush hair and teeth, make bed
6:35am eat breakfast
6:55am get on shoes, coat, etc
7am leave for school
For after school, I left specific times off, leaving her some flexibility based on the day's schedule and activities. Tasks are listed in the order they should be completed after she comes in the door.
1 - Empty lunch box (We have a history of leftover food and ice packs being left in the lunch box until I find them the next morning - eww).
2 - Grab a snack & show Mom your planner (During the school day, homework for each class is written in her daily planner, along with reminders, due dates, test dates, upcoming activities, etc. I review it to stay updated & get a sense of how much time will be spent on homework each day. This time also gives her a chance to tell me about her day and for me to ask questions about school, teachers, and friends.)
3 - Chores (There's only a few for school days so they don't take up too much time yet enough to give her some household responsibility. Some examples are feed and water the pets, put away her own things, and put away any clean clothes from laundry I've completed that day.)
4 - Homework (Putting this last gives her time to relax and transition from the school day to the afternoon and evening at home. But we were sure not to place too many other things before homework so that there is plenty time left in the day to be sure it all gets done, hopefully without disturbing the evening routine most of the time.)
I have found that homework time goes more smoothly when we sit at the table together, she working on homework and I with my own quiet task like reading or working on the grocery list and sales ads. I'm immediately available if she has a question and I can give a gentle reminder to focus if she gets off task or starts to day dream. I make sure the television is turned off, but occasionally play some soft, relaxing music like Smooth Jazz or Classical. It makes a fantastic bonding time even though we aren't really talking, and it's an opportunity for me to model responsible behavior. Even if she's still working when it's time for me to begin dinner, we're still in the same room so I can still help or guide as needed.
Her evening routine is left as flexible as possible, with a few time constraints. She is expected to shower daily by a certain time; there are no snacks or beverages after a certain time. Before her bed time she is expected to "prepare for tomorrow" by packing her school things up, laying out her clothes for the morning, etc. Bedtime is different than most other children's routines. Rather than just giving her a time she has to be in bed going to sleep, I allow her time to relax and transition to sleeping time. She must be in bed by a certain time each night, with lights out a half hour later. That half hour is time for her to sit in bed and read or pray. No television, no games, no music, no big bright lights. Just her bedside lamp and a book or prayer beads. These two times are extended by one half hour on non-school nights - enough time to let her stay up later yet not get off track from the school schedule.
Some reminders are needed until we get back into routine as a habit, but what a help it has been already. A simple "are you on track with your routine?" or "check your routine" is plenty and prevents arguments, yelling, or nagging. I find that homework times goes more quickly, mornings and evenings are less rushed, we feel more connected, and even I feel more encouraged to keep to my routine during the day. Come up with a routine for your own children - each child may be a little different based on age and activities and responsibilities. Post it where it will be seen every day and can be easily referenced. We have one copy taped up in the kitchen and another upstairs in her bedroom, so a copy is never far or inconvenient to look to at. This is also convenient for when you're not home - sitters or grandparents can see it easily too and help keep the kids on track. If you have more than one child, perhaps a chalk board, white board, or cork board would be a great way to group and display everyone's routine list. Sit down with each child separately and come up with a routine together. Some tasks and times will be rigidly set by you as the parents, others you can be flexible with or allow the child to choose on their own. Be sure to write a list of the chores he/she is responsible for at the bottom or on the back, and include a routine for the weekends and other non-school days. For us, weekends include a basic list of tasks and the order they should be completed in, similar to her after school routine, with the exception of shower-by time and bed time. And don't forget to clue Dad in on what's going on and see if he has any input before a final copy of the routines are posted. But just because they're posted doesn't mean they're written in stone. If change is needed or something's not working well, change it. Flexibility can be the key to a successful routine!
Before long, routine will become habit and Mom (or Dad) won't have to be a nag. The kids will do what they should be doing on their own (gasp!), moods will improve, and it's amazing how much time will free up for other activities!
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